Today marks four years since I last played a gig a proper gig as Steve and the Sea. There’s been a number of reasons for that; shortly after this gig I moved to Brighton where I had little to no space for practising. When I did have space I went around and around rebuilding my live rig, with more focus on the tools than the trade.
The biggest factor however was the anxiety that overtook my life around this time, and that still weighs me down today. For the three years that I lived in Brighton, my anxiety kept me from venturing out into the world and building a social life, or making any connections in the music scene. Just as things started to get better, the pandemic hit and a lot of the progress I had made was wiped out.
And now I’ve been living in Germany for almost a year. Again, trying to get out and play has been hindered by the lockdown, but now with a language barrier on top.
Progress is happening though. I’ve made some interesting developments in my live rig, I’m reaching out to the local scene, even if only digitally for now. I’m preparing myself for real life performances, and working every day on that same anxiety that has impacted my life so much.
So I won’t dwell on the past four years any more than necessary, so that I can get back on the stage as soon as possible. Of course, the situation is still a little difficult; the pandemic is not over, anxiety still hangs on to me. But My desire to play has gone nowhere, that’s for sure.